One day, when I was a young man, I found myself walking down the rainy streets of London, trying to think of a new story to write.
“Another sunny day,” I thought, sarcastically, looking up.
The clouds seemed to have read my thoughts. Offended, they started to throw marbles and cheese cubes in my direction, so I had no choice than to refuge myself in the first spot I could fit in. It turned out to be Brydges Place, the narrowest alley in the city. Actually, the alley was so narrow, that the clouds had lost me, they couldn't see me any more.
I started walking down the alley... or at least trying to. The space between the walls was so narrow and so packed of boxes, trash and other unknown objects that I could barely put my feet one in front of the other. I was lucky that my career as a writer had not bloomed yet, so I was considerably skinnier than I am now. I don’t really know it would be physically possible for me to get inside Brydges Place again in the present. Even if I could, I would not do it for all the money in the world. What I found that day in its very end was so terrifying that I promised I would not put a foot in there again.
"Those two pieces of meat you have down there look inviting, to say the least," said a deep voice, echoing around the place like a bouncing ball. I stopped walking and looked around. All I could hear now was my own heartbeat.
"He… hello?" I said. "Is there someone there?".
No one answered. I started walking again, cautiously slowly.
"I sure like visitors," said the voice, "especially if they carry big smelly feet like yours".
I could not realize who was speaking. I looked around again and all I could see was piles of smelly rubbish and empty boxes. Suddenly, I heard an insane laughter at my right. There was an empty flower pot hanging from the brick wall. Inside it, a rat the size of a small dog was sitting comfortably. On top of its head, an empty bean can was being wear as a crown. On his right hand, it was holding a teaspoon like a sceptre. One of his big front teeth was covered in metallic foil. At sight of the big rodent, I jumped back in disgust. He laughed again.
"I am Gerald the King," said Gerald the King. "I am owner and master of Brydges Place".
"Oh," I said, confused, "I am most sorry. I will be leaving immediately, Your Majesty".
"You shall not do such thing," he replied.
I looked around and I found myself surrounded. All kind of rats and mice were around me, holding forks, knives and napkins. I tried to run, but I tripped on a watermelon rind and fell on the wet pavement. Suddenly, they were all over me. Following the Lilliputians' way, they tied me down with rubber bands and rotting pieces of string. I looked up to see Gerald standing on my chest.
"Like I said, I really like visitors, especially with large smelly feet like yours," he repeated. He started to walk around me, goading my face and body with his teaspoon. "Of course we would love to eat cheese for once in a while, but since not so many pieces of parmesan come walking down the alley, we usually have to settle with little kid’s feet".
"Are you saying you mean to eat my feet?!" I shouted. I was about to pass out. The rodents were getting closer and closer to my rain boots. Drops of sweat were coming down my forehead heavier than the angry rain the clouds had thrown at me some minutes ago... “That’s it!” I thought.
"Cheese!" I screamed."CHEESE!".
The rats and mice stopped, confused. Gerald addressed me:
”Cheese, you say?"
"Yes!" I replied. "I can get you lots and lots of cheese in less than a minute!".
The rodents seemed interested. They all looked at their king, expectant. "And where is that cheese right now?" he asked. "It’s up there. You have to trust me. If you let me go, I promise you I’ll get you a ton of cheese this instant".
Gerald looked doubtful. Of course he was unsure to trust me, but his subjects seemed more aroused by the idea of having real cheese than by having to eat my skinny dirty wet writer’s feet. Slightly moving his head, he gave the order, and in less that three seconds I was free. I got up and quickly moved towards the wall, where I started climbing boxes to reach a ladder that was hanging two meters from the ground.
"Where do you think you are going?" asked Gerald in a suspicious tone. "Trust me," I said, "I’ll get you your cheese".
When I reached the fire escape, I started going up as fast as I could. Rats were following every move I made, and from a short distance. When I reached the highest level, I looked up and shouted at the skies.
"Hey, you! I’m here! Is that sweet dizzle the best you have? Come and show me a real storm you pathetic balls of vapour!". As soon as the clouds could see me, they rushed over me. Five seconds later, a real tempest of cheese cubes and marbles was falling right into Brydges Place alley.
The rodents were happier than ever, except for one or two who swallowed a few marbles in the rush of their voracity. As my promise had been met, I decided it was time to go as far as I could and never again come back, so I went up the roof and ran away.
While I was jumping from roof to roof, I looked back one more time just to see Brydges Place almost completely filled. Surfing the long pool of cheese and glass on a bin lid, I could see Gerald the Rat King one more time, stuffing his cheeks and his can-crown with cheese cubes, while using his teaspoon as a bow.
